To Laugh or Not to Laugh?

I laugh at Vinnie a lot. At his clumsiness, his quirks, his mischief... When I feel a laugh coming on, I try to cover it up with a cough instead, because I'm essentially laughing AT him and that's not nice. When I cough or laugh, he does look at me pretty suspiciously... I wonder if he buys my cover up?

In any case, whenever I am laughing or coughing or something inbetween, it is inevitable that Vinnie will look up at me. Suspiciously glance at me? Maybe. Or maybe just protectively, making sure I'm not choking on something or need help. Not sure what type of help he would give me, but... it's the thought that counts.

I get so much joy out of watching Vinnie, observing his actions and imagining his thought patterns, interacting with him, teasing him, giving him affection... I don't have any kids and the closest thing I have ever been to having a kid was feeling like a 2nd mother to my kid sister, who is almost 15 years younger than I am. And with both Allison and Vinnie, their mere existence is cause for a joyful celebration. Each little thing that my sister did growing up was a new step of progress for her, as she was learning more and more each day than I could even imagine. She was learning so fast that at any moment, she was infinitely smarter than the day before. It was such a joy and a gift to be able to witness that. When it came time for me to move out of my parents' house and go to college, I was excited but also worried that I would miss out on these moments with my sister. I would miss her first day of school, her first report card, her first organized sport.

A similar thing happens in my relationship with Vinnie. At each 1st (the 1st time he saw a vacuum--he was terrified even though it was OFF, the first time he tried ice cream--delicious!, the 1st time he got attacked by a much bigger dog--not pretty), I was so happy to be there to coach him or reassure him along the way. And with all the times that I was there, I still missed some moments. Last year, I left for Europe with some friends, and it snowed the day after we left. My parents were watching Vinnie while I was gone, and I missed his first interactions with snow. I guess I can't be there for everything.

I'll probably keep on laughing at Vinnie. This kid loves me and looks up to me, protects me and knows that in turn I will protect him, and my response is to laugh. Sure, I'm laughing out of the sheer happiness of having him in my life, but still! I guess that's motherhood.